Tuesday, 2 March 2010

3 films that sucked balls

First things first, bad movies aren't exactly uncommon but here's 3 I thought might actually be good but turned out to be steaming piles of celluloid shit. Kicking off the crap fest is The Long Weekend starring Jim Cavaziel, it's a remake of a 70's Ozploitation about a couple of tiresome townies taking a jaunt into the bush only to provoke Mother Nature with their littering, casual vandalism and a general ignorance of country ways. Dunno if the original is any good but this fizzles out into a whole heap of nothing not long after starting. You'd think the Outback would be the perfect setting to get tormented by beasties what with all the poisonous critters and that but no the filmakers see some dead sea critter as the focus for fear.

Legion next, another pile of cack. The idea of an angelic war on earth sounds like pretty lucrative plot ground to me and there's plenty of decent precedents eg Walken in Prophecy & a dozen or so eps of Supernatural but no they lumber around with zombie-possessed-by-angels cannon fodder with flashbacks to supercamp Camp Angel HQ and a forthcoming mysterious birth and about a zillion million plot holes. Not worth anything.

From Paris With Love - a competent but desperately unoriginal action movie from Besson is fatally flawed by laugh out loud casting. Fey Rhys-Meyers & aged Travolta stumble through the film trying to be the Willis of different shades but fail miserably, the same film with two different actors and a couple of more gags and it could've been worth watching.

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